solution-u+a

I'm writing this here because nobody reads this. Nobody would read it anywhere, but here that's ok, since hardly anyone knows I write here (hardly ever).

When I have a problem that is too big for words, how can I describe it honestly?
that's one problem with language and one problem with me- I don't. I don't say the right things, then I move to the wrong, then I give up and curl up, and then I'm alone again.

I want to protect the people I love from seeing the truth, when the truth hurts me- because we don't need to hurt together, It's my pain. Right now i don't know which hurts more: the truth or the lonliness, but together they leave me in a nostalgic state, looking back at all the friendships lost, all the time wasted, and nothing but the same few, precious, people- the ones who always need to save me- sacrificing so much to try and pull me out of another masochistic regression into my inner demons.

why do I always push away the pull? it must have something to do with the habit of pushing buttons (note that double entendre)